“Who Am I Again?”
Reconnecting With Yourself While Parenting a Neurodivergent Child
by Yeji Jo
Parenting is one of life’s most complex and transformative journeys. For those raising neurodivergent children—including Autistic children—this journey may involve learning, unlearning, adapting, and reimagining what family life looks like.
This blog is written for parents who may have felt overwhelmed, uncertain, or lost in the process of parenting a child whose needs differ from societal norms. You are not alone—and your experience, as well as your child’s, is valid, meaningful, and worthy of joy and celebration.
We aim to affirm both your child’s neurodivergent identity and your own evolving identity as a parent. This isn’t a story about loss—it's about rediscovery, growth, and acceptance.
Embracing Identity Shifts After Diagnosis
One of the most profound shifts in parenthood is the evolution of identity. From the moment a child enters your life, roles and titles shift—you become “Mum,” “Dad,” “Parent,” or “Caregiver.” This can feel both grounding and disorienting.
For some parents, a child’s Autism diagnosis may initially bring a flood of questions: What does this mean for my child’s future? What will parenting look like? Am I equipped for this?
It’s important to recognise that these questions aren’t signs of failure—they’re signs of care. What often feels like “loss” may, in time, become a transformation. The story you had imagined for your child may change—but that doesn’t make the new story any less rich, full, or beautiful.
Autism is not something to be fixed or grieved; it is a natural and valuable part of human diversity. As you learn about your child’s unique ways of thinking, connecting, and navigating the world, your identity as a parent may deepen in ways you never anticipated.
You can care for your child and remain connected to yourself. You are not disappearing—you are evolving.
The Myth of Perfect Parenting
In a world filled with curated social media posts and endless advice, the pressure to be a “perfect parent” can feel relentless—especially when parenting a child whose needs may not fit into traditional frameworks.
You might have found yourself asking: Why does it look so easy for other families? Why do I feel like I’m always behind?
If you’ve had these thoughts, take a breath. You are not alone—and there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Striving for perfection only distances us from authenticity. Real parenting includes moments of joy, uncertainty, exhaustion, resilience, and growth.
Instead of aiming for perfection, we invite you to reflect with compassion:
What are my parenting strengths?
Where am I feeling overwhelmed—and what kind of support might help?
Am I making sacrifices that are sustainable? Which ones are not?
Where do I need to reclaim time, space, or care for myself?
Parenting is not about getting it “right” all the time. It’s about showing up with love, curiosity, and openness—even when things are messy.
The Emotional Weight of Advocacy
Parenting a neurodivergent child often involves becoming an advocate—sometimes in systems that are not yet inclusive or informed. Whether it’s school meetings, healthcare appointments, or navigating public spaces, advocacy can be emotionally taxing.
It’s okay to name that. Advocacy work, while powerful, can lead to fatigue and burnout when parents feel unsupported or isolated.
The truth is: you shouldn't have to do it all alone. Support matters. Rest matters. Boundaries matter.
Here are some ways to care for your emotional well-being:
Prioritise self-care—without guilt.
Set boundaries with systems and people that drain you.
Seek community—connect with other neurodiversity-affirming families.
Ask for help—whether from a professional, support group, or trusted friend.
Celebrate progress—yours and your child’s.
Being an advocate is an act of love. But even our capacity to demonstrate our love needs refuelling.
Reclaiming Your Own Dreams, Goals, and Joy
Parenting often reshapes your priorities, and it’s common for personal interests, creative pursuits, and career goals to take a back seat. This can feel disorienting—especially if these pursuits were once a core part of your identity.
And yet, you are still a whole person. You are still allowed to want, to grow, and to dream.
Reconnecting with yourself doesn’t mean turning away from your child. It means honouring the truth that both of you deserve fulfillment, purpose, and joy.
Here are some affirming steps to reclaim your sense of self:
Reconnect with your passions: Start small. Paint, write, sing, run, build—whatever speaks to your spirit.
Reimagine your career path: Many parents find that their experiences open new doors—perhaps in advocacy, education, or creative work.
Protect personal time: Even 10 minutes a day can ground you in your own body and mind.
Adjust expectations: Growth doesn’t need to look like it did before. Progress is still progress—even if it’s slower or different.
Seek community: Other parents navigating similar experiences can be an incredible source of validation and understanding.
You are not “lost”—you are becoming. You are still allowed to find joy, success, and peace.
A Final Word of Encouragement
Parenting a neurodivergent child can be challenging—not because your child is broken or burdensome, but because society often isn’t designed to support neurodivergent families.
You are doing the best you can with the tools you have. And that is more than enough.
On days when you only have 20% to give and you give it—you’ve given 100%. You are showing up. You are growing. And you are worthy of the same compassion you so freely give to your child.
At The Kidd Clinic, we see you, we appreciate you, and we’re here to walk alongside you.
