The importance of making mistakes
Many of us struggle with negative self-talk — myself included. We speak to ourselves harshly when we think we have failed or done something we think is “silly”. Naturally, this is something that comes up in therapy often. As someone who’s frequently been caught in the cycle of inner criticism, I wanted to share a few reflections on the value of mistakes, and the thoughts that often accompany them.
Our minds generate all kinds of thoughts — helpful, unhelpful, and neutral. Although unhelpful thoughts about ourselves may show up often, hopefully we can notice helpful and compassionate ones too. The goal isn’t to get rid of or suppress unhelpful thoughts — this tends to backfire.
For example, try not thinking about pink elephants while you’re reading this.
Don’t do it!
…Tough, right?
But if I said “you’re welcome to think about anything at all — even pink elephants” you would likely find this becomes much easier. This illustrates a core principle of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): that resisting thoughts often gives them more power, while accepting their presence can soften their impact. ACT encourages us to notice and make space for all kinds of thoughts, without needing to control or eliminate them. While we can accept the presence of many different thoughts in our minds, we also have the ability to choose which ones we intentionally give our attention and energy to.
When it comes to thinking about mistakes, I like to think about skateboarding. While I am objectively terrible at skateboarding, I love it! I no longer skate myself, because my last attempt was a very humbling experience involving an ankle injury. Still, I love to watch skateboarding videos.
My favourite skater is Rodney Mullen. One of my favourite stories about him is how he invented the kickflip, originally called the “magic flip”. It happened by accident: During an ‘ollie’ — for those new to skateboarding terminology, an ollie is a specific skateboarding ‘trick’ — his board flipped unexpectedly. Instead of getting frustrated, he got curious — and spent the rest of the afternoon figuring out how to intentionally replicate his ‘mistake’. And just like that, the ‘kickflip’ was born.
Skateboarding is the perfect metaphor for learning through mistakes: To land a trick, you have to fall — again and again. I love watching skateboarder Jonny Giger on his YouTube series trying to replicate his favourite Rodey Mullen tricks, watching him persevere through countless failed attempts until finally — he succeeds! It is such a testament to his incredible efforts.
I also reflect on my years of studying Japanese. I know from experience that mistakes are imperative to learning and growth when acquiring skills in a new language. I still make mistakes all the time, even after all these years. It is through these mistakes that I improve.
So if you’re feeling frustrated with yourself — for falling short, for making a mistake, or just for being human — I hope this offers a gentle reminder:
Mistakes are not just inevitable; they’re essential.
Be kind to yourself.
I’m trying to do the same, one day at a time.
Good luck out there,
Morgan
