“Can You Just Give Me Some Strategies?” Why It’s Not That Simple – A Psychologist’s Perspective
As a psychologist working with children and families at the Kidd Clinic, there’s one word I hear more than almost any other: “strategies.”
Parents sit down—exhausted, concerned, and doing their best—and say something like:
“What’s the strategy to deal with X behaviour?”
And every time, I feel the weight behind those questions. The love, the worry, the confusion. The desire to do the right thing, quickly and effectively, for a child they care about deeply.
“Strategies” has become a kind of shorthand—a way of saying, “I’m lost and I want something that works.” And honestly, I get it. Especially for many of the parents I work with, who may be neurodivergent themselves. For many of them, solutions-focused, logical thinking often makes the most sense. I think that way too. It’s comforting to imagine that if we can just find the right approach, the right plan, things will start to improve.
But the difficult reality is, most often it’s not that simple. I wish it were. If it were as easy as matching X behaviour to Y solution, I’d have a list to hand you on day one. But it doesn't work that way—not because I don’t want to help, but because that approach rarely leads to lasting change.
Every Child Is Different
Children aren’t puzzles to solve—they’re complex, whole people. They each come with their own personalities, histories, neurotypes, needs, and ways of relating to the world.
Most of the children I work with at the Kidd Clinic are autistic, have ADHD, or both. And for these kids, “strategies” that are pulled from a book, a parenting website, or another child’s plan often don’t land. A visual schedule might work beautifully for one child and overwhelm another. One child may need more movement and stimulation, while another might need structure, stillness, and quiet.
That’s why we don’t jump to strategy. We begin with curiosity, connection, and time. We ask:
What’s going on beneath the surface?
What is this behaviour trying to communicate?
What does this child need in order to feel safe, seen, and supported?
It often takes several sessions just to build rapport, observe patterns, and begin to piece together the “why” behind a child’s challenges. This process is called formulation, and it’s the foundation for any effective intervention.
For more on understanding and connecting with neurodivergent children, you might find our article on Building Relationships with Neurodivergent Young People insightful.
Collaboration, Not Correction
Most importantly, we don’t do this work to a child—we do it with them. Collaboration is key. The therapeutic process involves trial and error, learning from what doesn’t work as much as what does. It’s messy, nonlinear, and deeply human.
And yes—strategies do emerge. But not like quick fixes or silver bullets. The most effective strategies are co-created, discovered over time, and shaped by the child’s unique wiring, preferences, and goals. They’re more like tools a child can come to trust than techniques imposed from the outside.
Understanding the nuances of communication and connection is crucial. Our blog on The Power of Double Empathy: Understanding and Connecting Beyond Differences delves deeper into this concept.
The Power of Relationship
What truly makes therapy work isn’t a clever strategy—it’s relationship. It’s the steady, consistent presence of someone who listens, who sees your child for who they are, and who holds space for their growth without rushing them.
For many children—especially those who are neurodivergent, anxious, or have had difficult past experiences—feeling safe is what allows growth to happen. That safety can’t be fast-tracked with a checklist.
So yes, we do talk about strategies. And yes, we will absolutely work toward practical, helpful supports for your child. But the process will be individualised, collaborative, and take time. Because that’s what works.
To explore more about building secure attachments, consider reading Secure Attachment as Adults.
So… Why Work With a Psychologist, Then?
You might be reading this and thinking, “Well then what’s the point of seeing you if you can’t give me the strategies I’m asking for?”
And that’s a completely fair question.
The truth is: I can help you. But the help I offer might look different to what you expected.
It might take longer. It might be more complicated. It might feel messier at first.
My role is to help you make sense of what’s going on underneath the surface. To bring a trained and more objective lens to patterns and dynamics that might be hard to see from the inside. To hold space for your child’s emotional needs and your own. To walk alongside you through the uncertainty—not just hand you a plan and send you on your way.
For insights into how parents can support their neurodivergent children, our article on The Benefits of Parent Sessions offers valuable perspectives.
A Note to Parents…
If you’re reading this and feeling tired, frustrated, or even a little desperate—I see you. I know you’re doing everything you can. I know how hard it is to ask for help, and how hard it is to wait for things to get better when your child is struggling.
As someone who thinks logically and who loves efficiency, I understand the desire to want a clear solution and a straightforward answer. But I also know that with kids—especially neurodivergent kids—it takes time.
So yes, there will be strategies.
But not before we understand the story.
And not without the relationship.
For more resources and insights, feel free to explore our Kidd Clinic Blog, where we regularly share articles to support families and individuals navigating neurodivergence.
